


Space Love

by musegaarid



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Alien Biology, Casual Murder, Coercion, Orange is a psychopath, Other, Spacemen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-12-16 08:50:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musegaarid/pseuds/musegaarid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another day in the life of the Spacemen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space Love

“So, what do you have against humans anyway?”

The alien threw up his appendages. “Geez, where to start? They breathe all the time. Just in and out and in and out, constantly. It’s so repetitive and annoying! And if they can’t breathe, they just whinge and moan about it. Same with eating and sleeping. Humans smell terrible and they taste even worse. So what good are they? The galaxy would be a better place if we just killed them all. Why do you ask?”

“Just… just wondering,” Blue gulped. “I, uh, had a human friend when I was a kid.” Well, it was true.

“Yeah? What happened to him? Did you shoot him in the face?”

“No, I didn’t shoot him in the face! We moved away.”

The orange helmet dipped in what may have been a nod. “That’s probably for the best. I know I wouldn’t let any hatchling of mine play with a human child. Unless it was for target practice.”

Wanting to get off this topic quickly, Blue tried to change the subject. “Do you have any ki… er, hatchlings?”

“Me?” Orange sounded surprised. “Oh, no. I wish. I have a wife and girlfriend, of course, but until I can find a boyfriend to make sweet space love to me for a few weeks… Hey, since we’re stuck on this barren moon for the foreseeable future with no hope of rescue and nothing to do in the meantime…”

“No!” yelped Blue. “No space love. You, uh, you don’t know when you’ll see your wife and girlfriend again. It’d be a waste since it takes all… four of us?” His voice was high and squeaky by the end of the sentence.

Orange sidled closer. “You can just make your deposit in my mantle and I’ll keep everything fresh until I get home. Weren’t you paying attention during Space Biology?”

Taking a big step back, Blue replied, “No, there was a girl with really cute, um, tentacles in the row ahead of me.” He thought quickly. “I probably have all kinds of space diseases now…”

Fortunately, at that moment, his radio crackled to life. “Hey, I got a distress call from these coordinates. Someone need a rescue?”

“Yes!” said Blue. “Please, for the love of God, come save me." He glanced at his companion. "Us. Please save us.”

The ship landed in a cloud of dust on the moon’s surface. When the door opened, a guy in a green space suit stepped out. “Hey, dudes, you ready to go?”

“Am I!” Blue said, climbing aboard.

Orange hung back just long enough to pull out his laser gun and shoot Green in the face before hopping inside. After a moment, the ship took off.

The alien looked around the cozy interior of the ship. “Calling for rescue was a great idea.”

“It was?" asked Blue, nervously. "I mean, yeah, of course it was. Did… did you shoot that guy in the face?”

“Yup. And now we’ve got a comfortable bed and two months to kill before we’re back at the nearest star base…”

**Author's Note:**

> Written for gliber-t on Tumblr, February 2013.


End file.
